Week 1 of Isolation: A Collective Diary
★ questions for u (+ a playlist) at bottom ★
I think one thing we can all agree on is time is starting to lose all meaning. Sunlight comes and goes and the days seem to pass, but nothing seems real. If I count backwards, I can figure out that I’m on day seven of social isolation, but it could be day 2. Or 20. Who’s to say?
I’m losing my mind a little but I think we all kind of are. My dad calls me every afternoon, asking the same question every time — what are you doing? Working on the next issue? Planning the next big show? Sending important emails? Writing? Running? Baking? Anything? No, I have to keep saying. Nope. Nothing. Today, I lay on the floor. Today, I stayed in bed until 2pm. Today, I drove to the fish and chip store with mum. Today I cried on the couch for four hours and read the first few pages of that book I’ve been meaning to read but it all felt like a little too much so yeah, I went back to bed.
My point is - whatever you’re doing, however you’re handling this, it’s okay. You don’t have to write the next great novel or master hula-hooping or teach your dog an array of new tricks or bake that damn cake. It’s okay to process and grieve and be confused and sad and overwhelmed, however you need to. This is brand new. We’re all figuring it out together.
When I was thinking about how to start writing again, and particularly in writing for the site, I was trying to figure out how to approach all this - and I realised what I most wanted to see/hear/understand was what everyone else was thinking and doing and hoping and wondering. Every time I see a story or post or caption or meme or tweet about what someone else is doing in isolation, how they’re struggling or thriving or laughing or overcoming, I feel a little more at ease. A little more hopeful.
So I started messaging our friends, asking questions and falling into hours of conversation, but really just trying to compile some sort of record of what we’re all doing and feeling right now. How we’re getting through this, collectively. People started telling me secrets and jokes and stories and plans, and it’s been bringing me some comfort so I hope, potentially, it can do the same for you.
Anyway. That’s all. Stay home. Call a friend. It’s all gonna be okay.
—Abby
Alai Landa — 20, USA (Laguana Beach)
most surprising thing to happen — I was living in Barcelona at my dream art school, in a magical apartment, and an internship at a gallery. In the span of 3 days everything closed, cancelled, and we got put under quarantine. About a week in, airports began shutting down and I had to make the hard decision of coming home. So I guess the most surprising thing was coming home 3 months in to a year long stay.
is there a quote / saying / mantra getting u thru all this? “Not my, but thy will, Divine Source” and “In letting go I lose nothing”. Both to remind me that the only thing I am in control of is my ability to let go and receive what the universe brings <3
what’s something ur proud of at the moment? My conscious effort to bring the thoughtfulness and good habits I can maintain while alone, into my current situation. It has been hard for me to not fall into old habits while living with my family, but I am doing my best to reserve time for myself to center and be patient and thoughtful throughout my day
Dakota Warren — 21, Australia (Melbourne)
what day of isolation are u on? I am on day 7 of quarantine, after returning from Europe. My mumma volunteered to quarantine with me because I don’t live alone, so we’re staying in a little house in the bush. I can’t really leave my room bc I don’t want to risk infecting her, so I don’t see her much, but it’s very comforting to know she’s around.
weirdest digital communication you’ve sent/recieved during all this — When I was stuck overseas during the initial panic and global lockdown, I had never received so many messages in my life. All 21 years of it, surpassed within 24 hours. From people who care, people who were worried, and people who were simply curious.
is there a quote / saying / mantra getting u thru all this? Unbothered. Moisturised. Happy. In my lane. Focused. Flourishing.
what’s something ur proud of at the moment? I’m proud of the things my hands have been doing with pen on paper. Creating art is something I’ve always claimed as my identity, yet something I’ve never previously found time for. Now it’s all I have time for. Too much of it.
any awesome free resources you’ve discovered / are using? I’ve heard that zoos are live-streaming. That’s marvellous.
what’s keeping u sane? The clinging hope of eventual and inevitable normality. Also, a tin of acrylic paints and a sketch book.
my isolation songs are: Being No One, Going Nowhere - STRFKR (listen to this one with headphones while you lay in the sunlight casted from the window on your bedroom floor) ★ Je Veux Te Voir - Yelle (listen to this one while you dance around your bedroom in your underwear. With your blinds open, so your neighbours can see) ★ Night and Day - Everything But The Girl (listen to this one while you paint a canvas of clouds.)
Kira Luedke — 19, USA (Southern California)
what day of isolation are u on? It’s been about 8 days.
are u isolating alone? I usually live in an apartment with my best friend, but we both decided to stay at our parents houses to self-isolate. it’s probably the first time in about 6 years that my parents, my sister and I have been under the same roof again every day. its been nice feeling like a kid again, relearning our family dynamics and just being around other humans but i do miss having my own little space to retreat to when things feel overwhelming.
have u picked up any new habits? or trying to start a new habit? i’ve been turning my phone off in the evening and not touching it again until a few hours after waking up. i usually get anxious when my phones away, wondering what I’m missing out on or if someones trying to contact me, but its been kind of comforting to know that no one’s reaching out to hang out or anything because everyone else is stuck inside too. it lets me spend my nights listening to music, stretching, writing, and watching movies without finding myself scrolling through people’s social media accounts. (goodbye fomo thank god)
is there a quote / saying / mantra getting u thru all this? “and the people stayed home. And read books, and listened, and rested, and exercised, and made art, … and learned new ways of being, and were still. and listened more deeply. some meditated, some prayed, some danced. and the people began to think differently. and the people healed. and in the absence of people living in ignorant, dangerous, mindless, and heartless ways, the earth began to heal. and when the danger passed, and the people joined together again, they grieved their losses, and made new choices, and dreamed new images, and created new ways to live and heal the earth fully, and they had been healed.” - Kitty O’Meara
how many times have u cried? crying has been frequent, nights are hard sometimes when you know you have to wake up in the morning and everything will be the same, another day to get through. just gotta dance it off baby!!
what’s keeping u sane? Headphones, painting, and sitting in my backyard in the sun. Damn its been nice having a backyard again.
Ria Kealy — 17, Australia (Melbourne)
what day of isolation are u on? Day 7(ish)
are u isolating alone? are u glad u are/aren’t? I’m with my boyfriend Alex and his flatmate (who’s also a friend of mine from my hometown). I’m so grateful for company I trust and feel safe with. Alex makes me feel so much more secure in my belief that no matter where this goes, we’ll end up okay. Dancing in the kitchen in your underwear is more fun with another person anyway.
do u have an awesome recipe/meal you’ve been making? Soup! I’ve been making a big pot of it and just living off that for a couple of days, then making a new one. For a basic vegetable one, I use veggie stock, ginger, half a bulb of garlic, a whole onion, the cheapest seasonal veggies + salt and pepper. Just chop everything up pretty small and throw it all in the pot together with the stock, then let it simmer for a couple of hours. Best served in a mug with some buttered toast on the side.
have u picked up any new habits? or trying to start a new habit? I’m doing my best to get back into writing poetry regularly. I haven’t for a while and it feels so much better to be writing again, getting a little bit of catharsis in these chaotic times.
is there a quote / saying / mantra getting u thru all this? “It is a serious thing just to be alive on this fresh morning in the broken world,” Mary Oliver. It reminds me that the worth of my days is not defined by any capitalist notions of productivity.
what’s something ur proud of at the moment? How good the coffee from my new pot is. My soup. The little bits of art I’m working on. My plants thriving. Myself, for managing to make a home in a new city during all of this.
what’s a good memory from before? The Pure Nowhere End of Summer Show!! So joyous and free.
how many times have u cried? At least 4 times this week.
Lauren Cassiano — 19, USA (LA)
Kyla Rain - 19, USA (San Diego)
what day of isolation are u on? Day 11.
are u isolating alone? are u glad u are/aren’t? Alone. My grandmother and father are in the house too, but we tend to keep to our seperate rooms most of the time. My bedroom serves as a safe haven, above all else.
weirdest digital communication you’ve experienced? Honestly, Zoom is a pretty Twilight-Zone kind of place, I’m still not use to this way of socializing. We had a surprise party for my friend’s birthday a few nights ago — we all set our backgrounds to party photos.
what’s something ur proud of at the moment? I’m really incredibly proud of all the artists out there making work through the chaos of everything. It’s what keeps me going, so thank you!
what’s a good memory from before? Dancing with my friends at a house party we went to, a week before everything changed. They were playing the iCarly theme song, everyone was dressed like it was a wedding (it was two guys birthdays so they made it wedding themed). I remember it started to almost rain, I met so many beautiful people. I took a film photo with a girl I hardly knew. Talked to strangers all night. Left the house feeling a happiness high so strong and an excitement for the future.
how many times have u cried? Three.
what’s keeping u sane? The idea that this is just a brief intermission. We’ve never had this much time to focus on ourselves, our mental health and creative health, while keeping our physical selves safe and isolated. It may feel like the end of an era, but it’s just the beginning of a new adventure. Sure, things will be different & we’ll have to learn to adapt, but bad things only happen so good can come after.
Jonathan Lovett - 19, USA (NYC)
what day of isolation are u on? Day 11, I think? I was self-isolating for a bit but now the city is on lockdown, we can only leave the house for vital things like groceries.
are u isolating alone? are u glad u are/aren’t? I’m with my boyfriend and his roommates and I’m really happy about it! We keep each other busy and play cards and stuff like that. It’s been really nice to not be alone and to be with someone I care about.
are u watching/reading/consuming the news much? I’m not looking at too much news, the news coming out of NYC is really stressful and scary.
what’s keeping u sane? Thinking of all this as more of a “pause” than anything, the city is empty and it’s eery but I know it will come back soon. I’m just looking forward to that.
Maybelle — 20, USA (LA)
are u isolating alone? are u glad u are/aren’t? I’m isolating with my partner and his family: his Nana and his dad. I’m thankful that I’m here. If i wasn’t, I’d be at my uncle’s house—and though a blood relative, he doesn’t feel like family, and his house doesn’t feel like home. I’m happy here, but I also find myself so deeply unhappy for long periods of time... and I’m not sure why.
what’s a good memory from before? During this time of isolation, I’ve mentally traveled to certain moments of the past that I don’t often think about. Most of the time, I’m in bed, wishing to be productive. I imagine future scenarios where this pandemic is over, but then all of a sudden, I’m taken back to summer in Chicago of 2007. My body moves with my racing mind, and I see the memory so vividly that it feels like I’m physically there. I remember my dad’s old apartment. I remember the odd smell of wet wood and rusting metal. The dim, yellow light that made me look golden. The noise of nighttime traffic in the city that never sleeps...
I always liked that apartment. I liked the messy intricacies and the uncleanliness. I liked the broken sink pipes and the loud neighbors next door. I liked that my dad was only 23 when he lived here. I liked that this apartment captured both his adolescence and his adulthood. I like that past so much that it hurts to know that my present is so far from then.
how many times have u cried? I’ve cried everyday of quarantine — which is actually the title of a poem I wrote.
what’s keeping u sane? Writing. Painting. Drinking water. Staying off media. Feeling my partner’s warmth.
Chloe Hofrichter — 16, Australia (Gold Coast)
what day of isolation are u on? I guess you could say I’m on day three of isolation. I spent day one hopping about transport centres, trying to get my license sorted before everything properly closed. I know that that’s kinda selfish, but I’ve been waiting so long for this. I want to come-of-age properly, to grab my adult responsibilities with both hands.
are u isolating alone? are u glad u are/aren’t? I’m isolating in my family home. It hasn't been driving me as insane as I thought it might — my brother has been making me smile a lot, and my mum is great company when she isn't overtired. Sometimes I wish I was completely alone, but I think perhaps that if I was I would have lost my mind a little by now.
any book reccs? I’ve been re-reading the little prince. All of the words are just so honest and whole, it makes my heart feel warm.
what’s a good memory from before? There are so many good memories from ‘before’, but I’ve just been thinking a lot about the Easter school holidays that last year. I spent a lot of it with my boyfriend, eating gelato and taking photos and making films with our friends. It was very sunny warm and lovely and I was very tanned. Just a happy time. I felt very at peace with my place in the world, and I think I was writing a lot. It makes me sad that this holidays will be so far removed from what it was last year — I really really miss simpler times.
are there any awesome free resources you’ve discovered / are using? I found an online pdf of the catcher in the rye which I accidentally read til past midnight yesterday. I’d never read it before, but I’ve always wanted to. Sometimes I am just so grateful to exist in a time where everything is so accessible. If I am bored it’s probably because i’m not trying hard enough.
Joe Ruzicka — 20, USA (Cleveland)
what day of isolation are u on? Day 4
any book reccs? Totempole by Sanford Friedman + Pachinko by Min Jin Lee.
what’s something ur proud of at the moment? How much people have been supporting food banks in their time of need — I was personally volunteering before the quarantine and seeing this issue highlighted has been so heartwarming.
what’s keeping u sane? Focusing on school and laying out long-term goals during this downtime has been keeping me super busy and sane. Been finding myself in my room the majority of the time, working on Honeysticks related work, college full-time, and then drafting press releases and digital marketing strategy for Vicious Buzz. Also been trying to be more in tune with nature by going on walks by myself.
Jule Wild — 24, Germany (Dortmund)
what day of isolation are u on? I am on day 12... I think…
are u isolating alone? are u glad u are/aren’t? I’m isolated with my roommate (Josh) and occasionally his girlfriend (Asli). They are the main thing keeping me sane at the moment. I think it’s really good for me to be stuck with two other photographers, because it pushes me to keep being productive, or at least creative. I also know that my roommates would think it unacceptable for me to stay in bed and do nothing. Which is good, because that is usually my go-to thing when something overwhelms me. I would have broken down into a sad little pile of madness within the first couple of days without them.
have u picked up any new habits? or trying to start a new habit? I started playing with some old prints of mine, throwing them in water, drawing on them… but I am not sure whether that is a new habit or just the first signs of madness. I think when you reach a certain state of boredom the line between creativity and nonsense kinda starts to blur. I am having a lot of fun with my nonsense, though.
what’s a good memory from before? I do really miss hugging my friends.
how many times have u cried? Twice
what’s something ur proud of at the moment? I am really proud of my grandma. She is completely isolated in her apartment at the moment, can’t even go outside for a walk, we just drop off groceries in front of her door from time to time. And it must be so horribly lonely. I talked to her on the phone the other day. “Well I’m not going to lie, it’s shit,” she said, but without even a bit of self-pity in her voice. She told me that she and her neighbour from across the hall meet up by both opening their doors and just sitting in their entrances talking. That’s what you do when you make the best of a situation. “We are not allowed to go insane.“ She is the toughest cookie I know.
we asked everyone to nominate songs for isolation, too! there’s some to dance to, some to laze around in the sun to, some to cry to — a bit of everything, to guide you through a time where you might be feeling a bit of everything. <3
★ the questions! this is anonymous, and u can answer/skip as many as u want (or none at all) ★