I'm Young and I'll Waste You Away

I’m Young and I’ll Waste You Away
(it could be golden or it could be nothing)

written and shot by Kayla Smith, modelled by Brandon Camacho

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Life in your twenties is volatile, exciting. Free from the shackles of high school and teenage years, it is time to cultivate an identity, come into your own. It is anthemic, it is your own drama, your own choices. But there is also a great pressure to compete, to live up to an expected adult timeline: finish school, land the perfect job, meet the right person, get married, buy a house, start a family. Trying to follow this timeline can be exhausting.

The reality is that we are all on our own timelines and at points in our lives. You meet the right person but at the wrong time. You don’t have the right job, not in the right place or in the right way. Maybe you have too much exploration of your own identity to flesh out before you let another person in, let another job dictate who you are. Maybe you have found your person, you get together, and end up growing apart due to separate expectations. Maybe they are ready for total long term commitment and you want to be unconstrained. Or maybe you’ve been single for years and battle with family pressures to settle down. Feeling that timeline pressure can be unbearable.

I am still learning how to live within this culture of expectations. A few months ago, I was juggling a major career shift and a breakup. Over time, we had discovered that there was an absence of concordance in what we expected from one another. We slowly began to diverge from our shared timeline into separate realities. This lack of alignment in relationship values and life direction led to consistent anxiety: it was not sustainable for the future, and so we ended that part of our relationship.

Navigating romantic relationships while also trying to cement a life path is not without conflict. It is part of growing up and from pain there is always growth. I have learned that trying to fit someone who is on a different life path into your reality will not work without a strong line of communication. I learned, too, that regardless of outcome or the amount of time spent in a relationship, no experience is ever a waste.