Scanning Negatives & Meditating on the Illusion of Youth
words & photos by jule wild
☆
About a week ago, I texted Kyla that she shouldn’t worry about turning twenty, that the feeling of youth doesn’t go away when you turn a certain age. I’ve thought about that a lot since then. I’ve actually thought about it a lot the last couple of months, constantly discussing it with my friends, because we’re all thinking the same thing. We’re all nearing or in our mid-twenties, and it’s like this feeling of change has settled over our group. Like something’s coming to an end.
Are we still young? Are we still experiencing youth, or are we just clinging to something? Are we too afraid to grow up? And what is youth, anyway?
I messaged Kyla while I was scanning negatives. I still had about fifteen to go when I sent the text, and I was thinking about all that, and getting kinda freaked out about the whole thing. Is it all just a pathetic illusion? Is our youth just make-pretend? And in the middle of that emotional rollercoaster, the last couple of weeks started running through my head. It was the most wonderful summer so far. So wonderfully busy that I hadn’t gotten around to developing for a long time.
Pictures of bonfires; pictures of evenings where you only mean to go over to a friend’s house for two hours and end up walking home during sunrise; pictures of a spontaneous trip to Hamburg for which you called in sick at work two hours before getting on the bus; pictures of house parties, pictures of my friends and people and memories that couldn’t possibly mean more to me. Pictures that make me insanely happy.
This realization finally came over me; that I don’t care if it’s an illusion, or if we are just clinging to something, because I’m happy to cling to this feeling for the rest of my life. If growing up means letting go of this feeling, then l swear I’ll never grow up.
Anyway, the text got too long, and I drank about a litre of coffee while writing it. What I wanted to say is: I put together these images for you, to serve as a reminder that there is indeed still a feeling of youth, even long after you turn 20.
